Civil Rights / Family / News / Politics / Progressive Politics / Uncategorized / Women's Reproductive Rights

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster VS. Viagra

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster VS. Viagra- by Aimee Robertson-Fant – Muncie Voice; Muncie, Indiana

I own a craft-supply franchise: Wacky Tacky Crafts and I believe in the Flying Spaghetti-Monster.

 Image

The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s by-laws are housed within a 2,000 year-old doctrine I follow (selectively- when it suits me) but that I enforce unilaterally upon my employees; specifically in the area of men’s reproductive health. After all, men cannot be trusted to make their own reproductive health decisions without the FSM’s guidance.   

I interpret the second-hand ghostwriters’ accounts of these 2,000 year old by-laws as (vaguely) stating that She (yes, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a woman) forbids the use of erection-enhancing/inducing medications; even though no by-law actually implicitly forbids the use of these medications. Per my interpretation of these by-laws I believe that if men have “trouble”-  it must be Her will.  

Besides, women were created first (in her image) and men were created to be their companions. It can only be assumed that men need women to show them the righteous way by carrying out FSM’s message to them, especially when it comes to their reproductive health decisions. 

Quite simply: The Flying Spaghetti Monster intended for this malfunction to happen and men should just accept it for the gift that it is. They should be abundantly grateful and stop whining about their inability to perform in the bedroom for the good of their loving relationships.  Men simply aren’t capable of understanding that this “failure” is actually a blessing and an opportunity to become closer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster; She knows what’s best for them and their families.

Due to my religious convictions, I refuse to cover medications like Viagra (and vasectomies that I consider to be pre-abortion-abortion) for my male employees but I may make an exception if a man is married-and has already spread his seed; in which case he must produce a marriage license to me (along with a detailed diagnosis of the circumstances of said “malfunction”).  

I double-dog refuse to pay for Viagra used outside marriage. Unmarried men have no business using Viagra.

This is the Word (*my interpretation of the Wordof the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Thanks be to you, FSM.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s